140831 0835 early this morning

listening to gui boratto, godet.
how to say "i miss you" right?

it's such a sudden blizzard coming outa nowhere....

140828 at this moment

the fact that just thinking of you makes my chest contract and some part of me suffered.
if this is the situation, i really don't know what to do to make it better.

so maybe i'll drink?

140804 techniquement 0805 déjà

quand t'es bien, t'as pas besoin d'écrire;
quand t'es pas bien, t'as pas envie d'écrire;
quand t'es ni bien ni mal, t'as rien à écrire.
finalement t'as rien écrit.

rain

i like the smell of the rain.

What about it?

Late at night, it’s easy tending to be sentimental and reminiscent, also maybe because of some emotion-tickled musics played by: jasmine by keith jarrett, 9 crimes, true love waits, fake plastic trees, cold water, creep, along with like a friend, wonderwall, and with or without you, etc.

I’m feeling quite clueless lately when it comes to putting idea or plan into practice.

I think of her from time to time. And I don’t really have any idea what is going on. It’s heading nowhere I know but why can’t I just drop it?

Maybe you can tell me.

wtf

so lost right now.
what am i supposed to do right now?
there're so many stuffs to be taken care of yet it seems that i'm really really trapped in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing.

what should i do? re-edit my portfolio? make some t-shirts? read some materials? do some study? what!!!
definitely not watching a film or tv series..... do some more research? arrange pictures?
it feels like i'm so splitting in multi threads and got led to various directions.
then got lost.

ha ha, get lost.


sore throat.

weariness or just avoiding

i feel quite weary today.

one saturday or sunday, i got out of bed around 1300, which means that i slept about 11 hours.
i couldn't help wondering it's about some compensation or it's just some sort of escaping thing.

to put it simply, i don't know what to do.

so, i quit the current job. then get another one? start a company? try to win an award? so on and so on.

i may will need to have instant noodles more than i do now.


so vague.





 

day 10

this is me, that is not.

I’ve already forgot what I was intended to say a few seconds ago.

most likely something moody or sentimental.

rain drops are tic-tac-ing outside; some car just went by.

I’m not sure what I should’ve done, but I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t have any similar feeling as I do toward her.

so, it’s better that I didn’t do anything further.

yet I can not stop thinking of it, what if, what if, and so on.

a bottle of jinro, an access to smoke, a few of her pictures, I do not know what I should do.

actually nothing. I can do nothing about it. they are leaving. she’s leaving.

I didn’t feel anything that she’s fond of me in anyway.

too bad, well, for me.

sometimes even you knew it’s like that but when it eventually really happens, it’s somehow still quite difficult to take with easeness.

I gaze at pictures of her that I took, questioning myself if I missed something so important….. but you know what? it doesn’t matter. and I don’t think that I’m gonna know the truth.

truth. what is that?

all is in my head, dwelling with full of imagination and desire; you wanna bear a hope, you’re gonna be ready to take the despair.

music: Mélanie Laurent, En t’attendant.

day 7

time is passing in a very fast pace.
it's not  even possible to get to bed before one.

i don't know how she feels, but i do like being with her.


smile.


 

day-4

I threw up big time last night. I threw up quite a few stuffs, that actually I was surprised there could be so much amount of room in my stomach for stuffs. When that happened, i was still in front of my desk and it really came out very quickly....... which means I kinda spilt all the way till the sink in the toilet. How drunk was I? Long story short, it still smells vomit so far in my flat and didn't go to work this morning.

On the way to work this afternoon in the metro, I saw a black guy probably weary. I assumed that he was because of work. Then I looked at myself, even more bombed, but because of drinking.
That got me thinking several rounds already till now.
Actually in as far as I can recall, quite rarely did I work so hard that I worn myself out, instead, more than often I just drove myself into exhaustion with alcohol. I am wondering why?
Why after all? Does it make any sense?

At least I don't get it by now.





 

day-10

Stashing some alcohol makes me feel secured in a way.
Yet this evening when I was on my way back to my place, holding 2 bags of bottles, thinking of the amount of money I just spent on them, I felt kinda guilty.
Which sucks.

What am I supposed to do then?



And what's more difficult later will be how I stop emptying that bottle I opened.
"it's only for dinner....."

or maybe it's not only.




 

day-16 +3 days

seriously, i think i do have only some slim control on myself.
am i stressed? or not? by some stupid shits? was i stressed? or not? stupid shits are not supposed to make you stressed, or are they?

i'm experiencing some medium level of stomach ache, probably caused by too fresh soda or the stress.
what stress? why are you stressed?

it's the third day that i haven't drunk. i'm not smoking either.
there's no love, thus there's no suffering, either.
somehow it feels like my identity is crashing into itself or just simply collapses.

Dr. Bolo said that there's nothing to worry about. i assume that he has officially regarded me as one of those people who think they are sick but they are not.
should i feel fine after the consulting? but i do feel the uneasiness and minor pain.
he also said that drinking alcohol was not leading to those symptoms that i was talking about.


whatever





 

la fatigue ou quoi

Can’t remember since when people around me became younger than I myself: main characters in movies, main characters and seconde characters in mangas, or those I run across in parties.

Where are those who are in my age?!

Are they appearing in some more sophisticated films or too boring to be the important roles, or, they’re with their other halfs or in the office, or in their condos?

Sooner those singers and musicians and fashion designers are gonna be minors to me. Actually loads of them already are.

Whell, it’s not a very soothing fact too stare at.

Wunderkinds….

snow where?

I was expecting a snow since the weather forecast said so.
However, once again, it's only bs.

Kinda nervous, but m tryna calm down.
In fact, why are you feeling nervous?? I just don't get it.
If you don't feel like doing it, then don't.
No one is making you.

But I want to. Or at least I think I want to.
C'est un peu nul quand même.


So, it's not gonna snow today, is it?
It's just true that you predict anything however you want and once for a while you hit it. Why does it make anyone professional or expert at the very first place?!
Feels like religion or something.
Mental dependency.




 

Input/output

David sth.

The output is somewhat related to the input.
It's quite logical to some extent.
Look at those people who drink a certain kind of water and consume a certain kind of foods, comparedss with some other people who drink some other kind of water and consume some other kind of foods, there's a difference. Of course, the gene plays a great part in there, too.

So, it kinda reveals some traits of a person by those tv series he/she watches.
Too linear, isn't it?

trying

                                                                       

well somehow devotion counts a lot..........








    



Publier le message
  

something broken.....

broke a glass last night
it's one of a pair
at the moment when it dropped down to the sink
"so that's today"
such such was right in my head

shocked
not that surprised
a little upset
nostalgic
relieved


oh whatever

absence

even if it's somewhere out there

so it's not here

then it doesn't help

Sunday trance

Supposed to be last Sunday afternoon-

Warmer than today-

Sun lights twinkled outside-

Thought something was out there-

Did I capture it?

Night time

"Night time" by the xx


Still, it's reminiscent of that event at the end of last August.

Miss NC, are you all gone?